When a PTSD trigger happens, our brain is hijacked.
It's very similar to spotting a bear during a walk in the forest. Our thoughts and emotions are now all focused on the possible threat.
Even in nature, if we haven't learned how to react when we see a bear, and follow our initial instinct, like running away or climbing a tree, that can lead to bad consequences.
In modern day-to-day life, the consequence of not learning how to detect and react to trigger is often chronic stress, which can lead to serious illnesses or a bad quality of life.
But like with a lot of things, our brain has the capability to learn.
The rootcauses of our fears
We learn to fear wild animals, mainly from our parents. It's good for survival. But fear is a poison too.
And there are better ways of looking at our fears.
We are 150x more likely to die from a lightning compared to a bear attack.
Bears are curious animals, here are a few videos
Fear prevents us from enjoying life and exploring.
Here's a way that have helped me.
The reality check solution
Detecting the trigger
The first step is to catch the trigger while it happens.
When we feel the stress, the goal is to become aware of it.
Then we can pause, and do a reality check (see examples below).
When to do it?
We can do the reality check just after we become aware of the trigger.
For a task we were planning to do, we can do the reality check as we are performing the task, and after to reflect on it.
Our brain can (slowly sometimes) learn that the trigger was simply from a past reality, and not the actually reality.
Examples
Example 1: Stress trigger in a situation or place
A personal example of mine that a trigger stress I have noticed when I am in the kitchen.
And I think I might have found the cause, or at least one of it.
When I was 12, my parents decided to open a restaurant. I don't have much memories from it, but I remember I "had" to work sometimes there, doing the dishes mainly.
It was a brand new restaurant, built by people with no restaurant background.
My mom could have been a great candidate of Kitchen Nightmares.
It is stressful for people with experience, for someone with no experience, limited funds, it's a nightmare.
Here's the episode that represent my mom the most (WARNING: TRIGGER WARNING for people with PTSD or cPTSD):
Reality checks
Here's a list of things I can go to when I detect the stress trigger.
I don't need to be stressed, because reality of today is not related to past memories.
Things I can say:
- This is my kitchen, I am not working in a restaurant
- Nobody is yelling at me now.
- Cooking is fun.
- I can be relaxed.
- It's my kitchen.
- I am the boss here
- There is no customer waiting
- There is no customer complaining
- There is no boss complaining
- There is no one complaining, screaming
- I'll cook what I want
- It's fun when nobody is yelling
- People around me appreciate me
Example 2: Talking to someone that triggers us.
Here's a list of things when we detect the stress trigger.
I don't need to be stressed, because reality of today is not related to past memories.
Things I can say:
- I can choose who I want to hang out with
- I can hangup
- Nobody is perfect
- I have my limitations, some people will not be ok with it, and that's fine
- I am not for everyone one
- People don't understand every other kind of people, that's life
- I have options
- I am clever
Example 3: Working with a client
Here's a list of things when we detect the stress trigger coming from working with a particular client.
Things I can say:
- I am not for everyone
- Delays do happen
- Things are technical
- Things are subjective
- We have discussed it earlier
- We haven't discussed it earlier, but let's have a discussion about it.
- I have my limitations, some people will not be ok with it, and that's fine
- That's what you get with me
- We can fix it
- Based on my experience, that's the best way forward.
- I will need to increase you to a better plan to meet your needs
Example 4: Launching a new course
Here's a list of things when we detect the stress trigger coming from launching a project and often procrastinating
Things I can say:
- I am not for everyone
- I have my style
- I view things from a big picture point of view
- I view thins from first principles, and it can be hard
- Business is not easy, therefore this course will not be easy
- I do things as thoroughly as possible
- I care about results
- People can get results with my current skills and knowledge
- I have my methodology
- I can always refund
- Some people will not find it valuable
- This is one resource, there are all sorts of other help available out there
Example 5: Not having enough time
- This is life
- People can wait
- Be kind to yourself
- Be proud of your accomplishments
Example 6: Things take time
- Yes, learning is hard
- After learning, Implementing is hard
- We will fail
Example 7: The procrastination that we have done.
Some of us have procrastinated a lot due to fear. And sometime we still do.
Being hard on ourselves doesn't help.
- There were reasons we were procrastinating, we never learned to manage our fears
- Now we are learning about it, it will take time, but we should be proud of working through it
Example 8: Getting stuck.
- Part of life is learning, and learning means getting stuck
Conclusion
You can spend 5 min, 10 min, 30 min, 1 hour on reality checks. The more time I take analyzing it, realizing it, the more it seems to be the new normal.
Here's a scene from the movie The Beach.
When we get caught up with stresses from the past, we can ground ourselves with the "real" reality.
There is a beautiful reality out there. Let's look for it.